If you say “sometimes I am truly awake, but then I lose it”,
then you have unknowingly spoken the solution.
The only thing that can lose awakeness is a person. The problem then, is identifying with the mind/body.
How can the absolute come and go?
If you are saying “I am a healer, an artist, a mother” then you are identifying with a mind/body”,
Know that you are a mother, father, sinner, saint, flower, mountain, tree, ant, star, interstellar hydrogen gas cloud!
Let this person alone. It will do okay by itself.